Visually assaulted. And I am so upset, angry, offended and ticked off that I can’t even see straight from all the tears.
NOTE: Mom said no cussing in this post, and I’m going to try my hardest, but just know for every “freaking, darn, shoot and heck” I really mean something much more powerful.
I work at a newspaper. Every day I hear about sad stories, horrible violence and bad things happening. I also hear about good things, like little girls who get the money they need to get an operation, or high school students having fun their first day of classes.
At the paper I work at we have a bunch of blogs, as in over 100 blogs and over 400 writers for the blogs (some are group blogs). Today, one of the bloggers from one of the group blogs kicked me and about 300+ readers/viewers in the face. Not cool blogger. Not cool.
This particular blog thinks the newspaper at has been censoring their comments or something stupid like that. So, in order to make a point about censorship, they posted two images on their blog today. The first thing you saw when you clicked on this blog was a huge image of a man with his head blown off. Literally blown to pieces and empty. Not something you want to see your first hour of work. The web team acted quick, took the post down and removed all the bloggers writing privileges. Too bad I saw the image before it was taken down.
Now, if you know me… at all… you will remember that I have a very active imagination and that I can’t and will not watch scary/gruesome/horror-filled movies. Frankly, they scare me and I have horrible night-terrors for weeks. A real life image of Death doesn’t sit well with me. At all.
Hence the being kicked in the face assault.
After I saw the image, dealt with the newsroom drama and hyperventilated in the bathroom I was ready to work. I looked at some cute photos of kitties and listened to happy music.
Quick side note: Earlier this week a video on YouTube popped up on our site of a girl throwing new-born puppies into a river to kill them. So now I can’t get the images from the video out of my head every time I look at a puppy and I’ve been having nightmares about dead puppies. Hence the kitties.
I somehow made it through the day without crying. I think I was more subdued than usual and definitely was paying a lot more attention to detail in my design work than I usually do at the wire frame stage.
Once I got home and was alone everything hit me at once. I couldn’t find anything else to focus on, I was home alone and left with the image I saw earlier. I lost it.
That frackin’ piece of crud runt who posted that photo ruined my effing day. Frick! She had no right… no effing right to post that bullshart all over the blog without any sort of warning. It was just freaking there! It was in your face. She’s an effing immature, ignorant POS horrible person who has no respect for the dead, much less the living for posting that crap all over the blog where she and the other bloggers get thousands of page views a day.
I am offended and hurt. No one warned me of what the image was. According to my dad, I’m a “very sensitive” person who takes images like that and actually thinks about what she saw because I care about people and when I see violence so raw and uncensored I just can’t take it.
Whew, that was a fun rant… and without curse words it really doesn’t seem quite as powerful, but you get the idea.
As I was sitting on my floor, hugging Mr. Piggy and wishing that I could just get a darn hug from a real human, I decided to call my dad. He worked in the news industry forever and a day and he always knows exactly how to calm me down and help me not freak out. Then I talked to mom and she explained that people are hateful and mean and that things like that are not nice.
And while normally I wouldn’t talk about work-related stuff here, I just really needed to get this out and get some love from people. I’ve been having a rough couple of weeks, and that image was the tipping point for me.
Dad pointed out that the way I reacted was completely normal and makes me a more caring than average. He also pointed out that it is a good thing that I am not completely desensitized to images like that, much like the rest of my generation.
Mom said that eventually the image will leave my mind and it won’t be so raw and at the forefront of my thoughts.
But for now, it hurts. It hurts me deep inside, not only because it was gory and gruesome… but because someone would want to use another’s death to prove a point. That is wrong.
I know violence happens in this world, and I know there is nothing I can do to stop it from happening, but I don’t want to be subjugated to that kind of image when I am not ready for it. If I know what I am getting into and the image actually had purpose relating to what I wanted to be looking at, then fine. But when I have no choice it really ticks me off.
Tonight I will be watching Disney movies and thinking happy thoughts. Feel free to call if you have a fun story or want to be angry with me. =)
If you want to read more about the post and what happened, check out Metroland’s blog: http://metroland.typepad.com/. Just be warned: they do have the image at the bottom of the post, but only if you click to see it.